Begins with heart, finally heartache

Have been watching other people's stories, today also tell my story, as if this is a tree hole, no matter whether there is no one to listen to, the right to record daily. Where you come to think of it, those who like to take the moral high ground and accuse others, please avoid. You are not me, how to know the road I have gone through the pain. Human reality is bitter, only since the crossing. I like the story, squatting ### # The world is not easy ### First introduce the background of the story, I am married, live and work in Shanghai for more than ten years, for many reasons, now live and work in a small city, all say that women hold up half the sky, married I have been supporting the whole day at home. Are you tired? Tired! Why don't you take a break? I also want to ah, but when I look back, the old people and children behind me, they are not able to escape the responsibility ah. Why isn't LG holding the other half of the sky? Let me take my time. LG is a master's student in a famous university, once worked in a well-known enterprise that everyone is known for, was once, um, important things to repeat, just to emphasize "once" he also had a good employment experience. And such education background, such experience, did not bring him bright job prospects, but married for more than ten years, he was unemployed at home more than half of the time. Why is this happening? It is not unrelated to his character, not good with his superiors, not good relations with colleagues, slightly unsatisfactory, he quit or was fired by the leader. In the beginning, I would advise him to change a little, adapt to the environment and accept others. Interpersonal relationships should be put in the first place in the workplace. In a team, communication and collaboration are more important than working ability. It turned out that what I said, he did not listen to, in the continuous unemployment to find a job, I can't remember how many units he has worked, so quickly reached middle age, is still unemployed, and I have long ago stopped wishing him a stable job. I continue to work hard, in the hard work at the same time, continue to learn, has been from the small clerk to the middle management of the company. In LG, there is no economic source, relying on me to support the state of independence, I am busy with work, busy housework, busy taking care of children… These are all me alone, no one to help, the old people are not around. Even if the child was sick and saw a doctor when he was young, I asked for leave to take the child, usually pick up the child, buy food, cook, wash and clean… Anyway, it's my business at home and out. What's he doing? Sitting in front of the computer every day, in addition to applying for a resume, I really do not know what he is doing, anyway, I slept at night, he is still in front of the computer, I went to work in the morning to send the child, he has not yet got up. I don't want to be a resentful woman, which is probably the life of a small number of women, is what everyone calls a widowed marriage. What keeps me going after all these years? I don't think there's a better reason than the kids. When I was busy inside and out, I also thought about this question, what did marriage bring me? What did he bring me? If it doesn't make me a better person, why would I let this life go on? This is not the family life I envisioned at the beginning of our marriage. I had mentioned divorce once before, not because he was frequently unemployed, but because I was completely disappointed in such a marriage, if he did not work and could not help take care of the family and children, I would be better off alone. But in the end did not leave, the process does not go into details, in short, the state of each under one roof, continued until now. LG and I have been sleeping in separate rooms, to put it frankly, has long been a nominal couple, and why he refused to leave, asked him not to say, I do not know, sometimes we will not say a word for three or five months, like two shared tenants. And this house, after ten years of marriage, in order to no longer frequently rent and move, but also consider the child to go to school, to give the child a stable place to live, I bought it alone, a person is busy decorating after work, of course, moving is also a person of mine. So we spent it, and we ended up in a widowed marriage, and a sexless marriage. The background of the story has been handed over, ready to get off work, tomorrow officially start to tell the story… ### Okay lz! See you tomorrow ###… So your husband is GAY? ######LZ is not good at telling stories, you have to be a pastime it #### See you tomorrow ### He is a straight man, not bent, may think he is unmet, people do nothing in middle age, let once proud of him was hit, more discouraged it ### Support floor master ## less talk, continue to talk. Last year, a leader from the head office was sent to our branch, and other leaders were sent before. The company is frequently transferred, and we are accustomed to it, but what we are not used to is that those who come from big cities have a bit of pride, perhaps small places and small companies are not enough for them to show their strength. I have worked with several leaders, although there are handsome and talented, but also a little power a little money, but I am not too cold to them, no personal friends, are business, has been doing their own thing, the rice bowl that I rely on to survive, have to treat with my heart. The new leader referred to as T bar, the first time to meet is the corridor of the company, he hurried, walked quickly, pointed his head, brushed past, no special impression, simple and honest appearance. After the work contact, I found that he was really silly, although he was a leader, easygoing than the employees are like employees, there is no leadership, but the work ability is very strong, a few months after taking office to lead the company's employees to exceed the annual task, and very generous, out of his own pocket to the employees as a reward, which is the past several leaders have never had. Those previous leaders, even a dozen yuan will be reimbursed, want them to pay their own money to give employees a golden red envelope, don't think about it. ###### thank you. Ten days after he came to the company, we had a chat for a while, and he gave us some honest advice on work. I found that he also liked reading and had read a lot of books and recommended three good books to me. So I verbally worshipped a teacher who was only two years older than me. That night, because of the reason to buy a book, I chatted with him on wechat for a while, basically about reading. The next morning, Sunday, he texted "Good morning" at 7:30, and I replied with a "good morning." He: Are you up so early after your day off? Me: Probably getting old and waking up at the right time. Him: What? Getting old? Me: The truth. He: Getting older is not getting old. Ideal discard, square fall old age. Samuel's famous writings. … Since then, I have been chatting on wechat, talking about work and reading, but I have never talked about other personal matters, and this has lasted for ten days. ### # Building, good morning! No traffic jam on rest days, caught up with the inner ring ### Although it is only work contact, and mainly wechat contact, but I can feel that he has a good impression on me. Sent to his wechat, no matter when and where, he is seconds back, and so a leader, always add a few emojis at the end of the sentence, every time. If there was a waiter at work, he would always ask me if I was going. If I went, he would always say: You don't drink. It's not like other leaders who just want you to help them get a few more drinks. Sometimes when I went to ask him for instructions, he looked at me and turned his head quickly, never looking at my eyes. If I looked at him, I could even feel that he was a little shy. A woman's sixth sense is usually more accurate, and sure enough, after ten days of chatting on wechat, when I got off work, I had to have a meeting in the evening, and I asked him for leave. T: Why take time off? You got a date? Me: The class reunion was arranged last week. T: If you drink today, I'll pick you up in my car. Me: I don't drink too much, I don't get drunk… (and talk about work for a while) T: I will go to be a driver for you in the evening. I: I can take a taxi home, so that you won't run a trip. T: Students will drink at dinner. I: If I drink a little, I will walk and wake up. Me: OK ### # After work, I went directly to the classmate's banquet, still on the way, T sent a message: to the place to eat? I did not reply to him, as to why not reply, the mood is quite complicated. I have clearly felt his affection for me, how to respond to his concern, I have not decided. I am a man of several decades, and I understand the enthusiasm of men that is different from others. After all these years in a loveless, sexless marriage, it's a lie to say you don't want a shoulder to lean on. It's not that there haven't been men who have been nice to me before, I've mostly chosen to ignore, or rather, not look right. I know a lot of men just flirt, to put it bluntly, most of them just play, even if I can't get love and sex in my marriage, I won't be stupid enough to play emotional games with the man who flirts. And too busy working to make money, too busy living and taking care of the kids, there's not much spare time to toss those touchy-feely things. As the old saying goes: a full diet of talent and lust, I am still busy with the livelihood of a young woman, where to spend so much leisure, feeding themselves and children is the most important thing. An hour later, T came back with another message: Have you been drinking? I hesitated again and again, back: drink red wine T: drink less T: After the meeting I will come to pick you up I sent a location to him. After three rounds of wine, it was more than eight o 'clock, and T said that the meeting was over and had started. After a while, he received me who had just finished, he came by taxi, said that he could talk while walking, so that I could wake up, and walked all the way to the river, which is a city landscape river, the lights on both sides of the river at night, it looks very beautiful. The breeze is slowly coming, enjoying the night scene by the river, the two people walk side by side, although they rarely talk, only occasionally talk about how much wine they drink, do you want to drink water, etc., but it really feels like dating. I admit that I also have a good feeling for T, his simple appearance makes people feel very reliable and real, knowledgeable, and the writing is also very beautiful, and he is serious about work and hard in the eyes of everyone, people and things are not the kind of people who steal and play slippery, to see him, let me somehow have a sense of security, very practical, this is the men who have never given me the feeling before. For a long time, we did not speak, he went to buy a bottle of water, let me take the two liver tablets he brought to eat, said that no matter whether it can really protect the liver, as psychological comfort, drink less in the future. He asked me: Do you want to rest after drinking wine? Can I take you home in a cab? I actually wanted to stay with him for a while, but I was too embarrassed to say, back to him: HMM, go to the bridge in front of you. Walked to the bridge, we walked for more than 20 minutes, really a little tired, just where there are pavilions and stools, I looked at the side of the two eyes of the pavilion, he said do not want to sit and rest again? I nodded yes, so the two sat on the same stool, not next to each other, a little distance. ###LZ I'm coming! Work hard to update oh come on after reading ### you sit on the sofa, drink a cup of coffee first, wait for me to tell you…

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